Nov 122014
In November we remember. On remembrance day we remember the soldiers that died in world war one or world war two. We pray for them and we keep on thinking about them. I know how that feels to have someone die in the war. The one that died in my family was my great grandad ,but luckily my grandad survived. On the 11th of November every year people all over the world have a 1 minute silence. Also last year on remembrance Sunday people went to the beach and they rakes people out with cardboard stencil and there was about 19 thousand stencils.
WE REMEMBER THOSE WHO DIED!!!!
I liked that you used a clause.
I liked that you used CL and FS.
I liked that you used punctuation
W: that you used connectives.
Wow great writing!!!!!!!
In that writing I liked the magnificent capital letters and full stops.
I liked the sentce in the beginning too.
I liked the rhyme in the first sentce.
I like when you use puntaion and connives. I like your sentence openers. I like your adjectives and wow words.w: you should use fantastic words.
I like when you use puntaion and connives. I like your sentence openers. I like your adjectives and wow words. I like your story and the capital letters. I like the words you used. W:you should use fantastic words .
Thank you for your emotive piece of writing this week . I enjoyed reading it. I think most people have or know someone affected by the war.you have created such feeling in your work,thank you.
This is a really thoughtful piece of writing, and some great comments from your classmates too! Following thier pattern here are my thoughts:
I like your short opening sentence, it grabs my attention.
I like that you brought a personal reflection into the piece of work.
I like that you have used good punctuation throughout the piece.
W: that you would check your use of capital letters for proper nouns and events (World War One etc)