Sep 242014
One sunny day I was walking to the the park then suddenly I got distracted and ended up in the seaside.Then I decided I wanted to go swimming.I went into the water and I felt something on my left foot it was weird. I looked down and saw an orange crocodile.I went home and had a enormous lump on my foot. My mum called me down to have my pepper soup . I hated pepper soup.I laid on my soft pillow.I felt relaxed then i fell asleep. I got up again and asked my mum if i could play out.
Hello Anya,
You did very well to include four of the prompt words. An orange crocodile sounds very scary! You have included some fantastic words such as distracted, enormous and relaxed which definitely help the reader to visualise the story. One suggestion I have is to add ‘show don’t tell’ to your writing. Show the reader what is happening rather than telling them. Pepper soup, YUCK! Keep up the good work Anya
Mrs Scharf
Team 100WC
Australia