Oct 212014
one day me, Ollie , Louis and Monica went to the forest we saw a statue it came alive and we ran and ran and ran but my brother stopped so the statue got Louis and threw Louis up in the air. But the best thing was I caught him and ran. I finely got home I had tea but it was my brothers bed time. So me and Monica went to go back down to the forest but the statue didn’t move so I went back home. I played with my skipping rope and then went to bed.Monica was sleping at my house.
Hi Ella,
Thank you for taking the time to enter the 100WC. You made good use of the prompt this week. I liked the part where you caught your brother and started running. Great imagination!
A few tips for you would be to remember to start your sentences with a capital letter. Also, your writing would flow better if you were to make sure you gave the reader a chance to pause and take a breath. For example, your first sentence is quite long and I needed to breathe. Try reading out loud and when you notice yourself stopping to pause, be sure you have a comma or period. I hope this helps you.
Good luck with next week’s prompt. I hope you are enjoying the challenge. You are a good writer. Keep it going!
Mrs. Hanna
(Team 100WC, Canada)
Wow Ella, I really like how you have used the prompt in your story – it’s very original. A statue coming alive, how exciting, did it speak at all? What did it look like when it moved, was it sly like a fox, slow like a tortoise, or quick like a cheater?
Well done and thank you for sharing your writing!