Oct 212014
The pitch-black cloak on the pitch-black man looked very terrifying because you could not see his face. I noticed that when somebody comes the weird man just stays still as a statue, but when the coast was the clear it started to move furtively. The top end of his cap was razer-sharp like some crocodile teeth. The top part of it’s cloak is very baggy. His face looks black as though you can not see it and it is the shadow of his ugly cloak. If that weird man took his hood of I think his face colour would be a see through like a ghost.
Haadiya, you’ve used some good vocabulary, I especially like your use of the word ‘furtively’, you also made good use of a simile.
You did however, make a couple of mistakes with your punctuation and grammar – you didn’t need an apostrophe in ‘its’ and in the final sentence it should have been off not of
Overall, well done!
Mr Prince
Lancaster, UK (Team 100wc)
I love your descriptions here! I especially like the fact that the statue moves ‘furtively’. It could be even better if you change one of your ‘Pitch Black’ adjectives in the first line to something else? A brilliant ending I enjoyed reading this.
Jane Hewitt Team 100WC Barnsley UK