One day there was a little girl called Sophie. She was getting ready for school. She then opend to go to school. when she opened the door she relized she had entered candy land. so she explored the land excitedly. Until she found a house made out of candy. I ate some it was lovely. It tasted of sweet strawbery. Suddenly some more candy came up on the roof of the house. I tried the candy again this time it tasted like sour orange. I entered the candy house I shouted “who’s in there”? There was a silent reply saying “I am Milly Molly Mandy. She looked so different. she had strawberry lasses as her hair. she also had candy floss as her face. Milly Molly Mandy had harribos on her shoes with banana lasses as her shoes lasses. She also had all different coloured candy floss as her clothes. She was so colourful. Milly Molly Mandy was a nice person. I told her I needed to find the way home so she said she would help me. As we started to walk we noticed pebbles these were pebbles I had dropped on my way so it helped me home. Milly Molly Mandy then came to school with me.
by Meagan Zanella
Good work Meagan, well done for using speech marks and remembering a question mark. You could have made the problem of the story more exciting, like in your other stories, but I like the description you used!
Next time, even though you are using full stops in the right places, try to join sentences with connectives. For example, you could have made ‘until she found a house made out of candy’ join onto the end of the sentence before to make a longer sentence with the great connective ‘until’.
Keep up the good writing 🙂
I think your story was magnificent.
your story was amazing you even described everything about her 🙂 next time put more punctuation in it
your story good but you need to put more punctuation 🙂