Me and my friend was walking in the park one sunny day when we suddenly saw a monster. It had purple spots and it had brown eyes. Just then it tried to eat us we was very frightened. So we ran away. We ran fast. We ended up going in a secret door where it was snowing really bad. We lost the monster because we went through the secret door and ended up in a different land. We saw a poster it said we are in ice land.so me and my friend started to scream to death because we did not know how far from home we were or the the way home. I saw the ice queen when we were walking about she was in a beautiful ice castle. She was wearing the most beautiful dress I have ever seen. It was made out of ice and very sparkly blue.my friend asked her name, she shouted I am iceiger. she looked angry. She yelled I want to freeze you. She was a naughty queen I knew this because I saw here freezing the land. She also froze me. So my friend ran and ran until she found someone in the meadow. His name was Robert. My friend showed Robert the way to the ice castle. He used his magic to let me free, he un froze me. I was so cold and scared. I said thank you to Robert. I Asked Robert how we could get home? He showed us the way home.
Jan 202015
Well done Meagan, this is really detailed! I have highlighted in bold the parts of your story that really impressed me and that you need to use more of in your writing in class! I also like how you used different words for ‘said’!
You missed some punctuation like capital letters and full stops, and don’t forget speech marks for when somebody is speaking! 🙂
Miss Speake
Thank you Miss Speak
well done I like were you have put when we suddenly bold wriling.
I loved your story it had lots of punctuation like adjectives remember to put speech marks when people are talking.
Meagan I like your use of adjectives and adverbs:) 🙂 🙂 🙂 well done!
Meagan,I liked it when you wrote the most beautiful dress I had ever seen and also the description of the monsters eyes.