Oct 292014
One sunny day Shadow the black Cat , was strolling down the street and bumped into his friend Midnight. Midnight was sad because he had Broken his Green diamond collar which was his family heirloom. Shadow thought to himself how to lift Midnight’s spirit. Then a light bulb appeared above Midnights head as he had an idea the one thing midnight likes more than his collar was Swimming. Shadow asked if Midnight would like to go swimming with him as they was walking to the swimming pool for the cool cats. Midnights spirits was Lifted finally.
Wow, Olivia I really like this story! What a great idea!
Great use of strolling instead of just walking. Next try to use more adverbs, such as ‘strolling happily’, or ‘a lightbulb appeared brightly’.
Well done for taking the time over half term to do this, you definitely deserve some raffle tickets when we come back to school on Tuesday 🙂
Miss Speake
I loved your story, very unusual for cats to like swimming.fabulous twist! I loved your descriptions and the use of some really good vocabulary including ‘Heirloom’. Small tip, before submitting have a quick reread, this way you might spot errors including punctuation. Well done! 🙂
I like your Puntuation and when you used strolling instead of walking
I loved your adjectives they were fabulous.
Your connectives were BRILL!!!
I loved your nouns!!
W:Your story could improve by using verbs:-)
I liked that you used adjectives
I liked you used a good verb.
I liked you used connectives .
W:you could use more connectives