Oct 012014
As I looked around I could see a clossle jungle it was very quite there . I walked down and I could see a gigantic apple it was very juicy I jumped over and I could see a scaly green crocodile I went to have a close a look it didn’t move I was parlized to death it slaped me and hurted me so I told it not to and it stoped and said sorry and we were friends forever and we played together I hugged him.
I like how you described the crocodile! Now have a look at the last few sentences, there are quite a lot of missing full stops where you should have ended the sentence. Can you spot any?
Miss Speake
I a gree
Very good Shannon, you put too much spaces in some sentences. But still, try to improve.
Hi Shannon, your extract was really interesting. You have used some great descriptions and I love the way that you had a twist in the tale and a happily ever after ending. Remember to check your spelling before publishing, well done. Keep writing!
good
well done you did good (: (;