One scorching hot day I was in bed and I was thinking about what a beautiful birthday I would have on such a nice warm day, so I decided to quickly get out of bed and run down the stairs to great my wonderful family. I then discovered that my family was not there, so I then decided to go back up the stairs and look into my mum and dads bedroom and there I saw my dreadful sister Olivia sleeping in my mum and dads warm comfy bed. Then I walked into my sisters bedroom and there I saw my beloved mum and dad laying in my sisters hard un-comfy bed, so I whispered to myself “what happened around here?” so I then decided to go and wake them all up, and how did I do that exactly? I yelled “wake up guys it’s my birthday” and then they all jumped of bed as quick as a fox. Just then they all went down the stairs with me, the room was all plain before, but now it looks magical with all the presents stacked and the banners hung. After that I managed to open one of my presents and it was a door, but not just an ordinary door, a magical door. Also it was from a monkey then I wanted to go through it to see who it was from as it sounded mysterious, so whilst my mum, dad and sister all turned around I twisted the door knob and whisked my way through into a mythical world. When I got there I saw allsorts I saw dragons and fairies and I saw unicorns and Pegasus. I also saw a large sea monster working its way through the water. I could smell a candy house with lollipops as trees and sugar paper as grass and their they lived a sweet scrumptious ginger-bread-man, but yet he looked so cute. So I went over to have a better look and to see how friendly they all were, but they never saw a real life human before so they ran into their houses and started to scream and yell for help I tried my best to help them but the closer I got the louder they screamed and them a toy police car with toy police men inside it came to try and arrest me but their handcuffs were far to small, so therefore they couldn’t catch me so then I ran and ran and ran all the way to the door that I came from. I can now clearly say that I have had the best birthday ever.
THE END
WOW!! What a fantastic piece of writing Amber! You should be very proud of this as it is full of wow words and exciting sentence openers. Your use of description is very good! The next step is to use some short and snappy sentences for effect, as most of your sentences are very long.
Keep it up, I loved reading this 🙂
Miss Speake
Well done Amber!
I like your story amber
I love your story Amber. I love it because of how she started.
I am so amased at your story amber. I can tell you put alot of efert into it. Well done
We loved that you used a lot of adjectives and full stops it was magnificent we have never saw enething like this fantastic work.
We also liked the name best birthday ever also you used connectives and good wow words it is a wonderful pice of work
We like your story beascase I think you have put effort into it.
We think you can use more punctuation
We’ll done fabulous pice of work!!!