Feb 162015
One cold night Nicholas had a job at Sweet Memories were he stocked up the sweets in the shop.
He was determined to do his job then just when it was nearly time to go home he found a gold sweet.
He was feeling hungry so he ate the sweet just then he turned gold all over his body he felt very peculiar.
Nicholas hurried home to his mum and dad they called the doctor he said to Nicholas what did you eat Nicholas replied “It said sweet on the wrapper just then he turned back to his normal self.
Well done Nicholas! This is an exciting story and I like some of the more interesting vocavulary you have used, such as determined and peculiar.
Next time try not to use ‘just then’ too much, and usually this needs to be starting a new sentence or after a connective.
Keep up the good writing!
Miss Speake
What a great story, Nicholas! I am surprised that you managed to work in a sweet shop and not be tempted to eat any more. I love your imagination. Remember to check your punctuation before submitting your work . Keep up your great writing.
well done nicholas 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
good work
thank you :):) :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love sweets LOL